The Controller original, uneditted
by Taylor Marin
Summary: Is every Yeerk a bad Yeerk? (Pre #49)
1. Prologue and Chapters 1-3

Prologue  
  
  
My name is Katie. I won't tell you my last name, or where I live, but it's not because I'm afraid of the Yeerks. I just want my privacy. Besides, the Yeerks already know who I am.   
See, I'm a controller. Not a voluntary exactly. Well, sort of, I suppose. But it wasn't because I'm stupid, or think that humans couldn't stop the Yeerks so why bother resisting. I knew about the Yeerks even before I became a controller. I knew about the Sharing and what it really was. I knew about Visser 3, now 1, and he scared me. He still does. I knew about the Animorphs. I knew about what they were doing.   
I'd read all the books, I'd considered each person's opinion, each alien species' opinion. I could sympathize with each. I understood the Andalites' guilt. The Humans' and the Hork-Bajirs' desire for freedom. Those were good reasons to fight.   
But I also sympathized with the Yeerks. Not the power hungry, cruel, evil Yeerks like many of the Vissers and Sub-vissers, but just your average Yeerk. The one who knows it can't ever rise to such a level of power, or who doesn't want to.   
The way I figured, we humans had pretty much decided that all Yeerks are like Visser 1, and Innis 2-2-6, and all your other power hungry Yeerks. But what about Tidwell and Aftran, and your other lowly peaceful Yeerks? All they want is to see. To walk. To taste. To hear. The list goes on and on. What's wrong with that?  
Surely there must be a better way…  
Chapter 1  
  
  
My name is Illarim 7-4-6. I am a Yeerk. About a year ago, I found out that I would soon receive my first permanent host. Every Yeerk eagerly awaits their first host.   
Of course, there are training hosts so that you can become accustomed to it, but then after your training session, it's back to the pool. How could anyone want to leave the world of sights and sounds, tastes and smells, walking, talking… Why would anyone want to leave that and live in a world of, of nothing?  
My new host was a human! Most Yeerks begin with a Hork-Bajir host, or a Gedd, but I was to receive a human! I did not understand why, because I was young and in no position of power. Of course, I wasn't going to say anything in case it had been an accident and I was meant for some other host. A human was fine with me!  
I knew very little about my host, except that it was a human girl. A child, but nearly adult. Her name was Katie. It was a strange name, but I liked it. It sounded almost wistful and airy. Katie.  
I would receive her at the next meeting of the Sharing in one week.   
I couldn't wait.  
Chapter 2  
  
Katie  
  
One week. I'd said yes. I couldn't turn back. At this point, I would become a controller, and I knew it. I was confused, but not really, because I knew I wanted to do this. I don't change my mind about things that easily.   
Way down deep I was scared, but my fear was not enough to stop me. Or was it? Maybe I could still change my mind. Not show up at the next meeting. I could do that. Or could I?  
I flopped back onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. It had footprints in several places from when I'd had a bunk bed and slept in the top bunk. My sister had taken the bottom. We'd shared a room for a long time. Now, Amy was off at college and I had the room to myself.  
I sighed and turned to look out the window at the crisp fall day. The sky was a crystal blue with not a cloud in sight. The leaves on the maple were crimson, orange and yellow. The yard needed raking. Again. Ugh.  
I think that's when I decided for sure. I couldn't be selfish about all this beauty. It would be a sacrifice, but not a huge one. But I would do it. I was sure this time. I would not chicken out.  
Chapter 3  
  
Illarim  
The day had come. I'd waited and waited, and it was finally here. My host would be here any second.  
Then, I felt a head being placed in the water and I knew that after my long wait it was time. I swam over and felt for the ear canal. It was slightly different than a Gedd's, but it didn't matter. I knew what to do. I secreted numbing enzymes so that the girl would feel no pain and crept toward the brain, alive and tingling with electricity. I continued and squished every part of my body into her brain.   
I took control of her hands and feet, mouth, ears and eyes. Her eyes! So different from a Gedd! Everything was clear, the colors so bright! I could have laughed for sheer joy.   
I used my host's voice and assured my superiors that I was in full control of my host, then left the Yeerk pool. As I climbed the stairs, I looked back at what had been my home for so long and knew, I never wanted to be back here for longer than necessary.   
I left the building that housed the entrance to the pool. I searched Katie's memories and knowledge, and decided to go to a park. It was near her home.   
As I walked, I looked all around me at the colors. The trees were beautiful, the sky, the grass, all so wonderful. I saw birds flying, honking and cawing and just singing. It was more wonderful than anything I had ever imagined.  
I felt something wet on my cheek and lifted a hand to touch it. Tears. I didn't know if they were Katie's or mine. I could feel Katie's joy at my seeing this beautiful world.  
I know I did the right thing, she thought.  
I was startled. What?  
I did the right thing, she said again.  
I was confused, so I searched her memories. She merely watched and waited quietly. Her reaction to me made no sense. My practice host, a Gedd, had moaned and yelled, been angry and defeated, while I had infested it. I was extremely confused by the human's reaction. She had not been a controller before…   
As I searched her thoughts and memories I became even more confused. This girl had been a voluntary controller not because she was angry with the world. She had chosen to become a controller so that I would have a chance to experience all the wonders that she had.  
Immediately, I felt myself growing fond of this human. I knew I shouldn't. From an early age, all Yeerks are taught that the host is a host and nothing more. Your host is not a friend. A host is inferior and not a peer.   
But I couldn't help it. A part of me wanted and needed to like this girl. But I knew I shouldn't. I wouldn't. Couldn't. She was merely a host.   
I felt sadness coming from her. Hosts cannot read your thoughts, but they can sense emotions and such if you are not careful. I hadn't been, and she had sensed that I was not a good kind Yeerk. She had been naïve to think that I would be grateful and love her for allowing me to see and hear. She was a host and nothing more…  



	2. Chapters 4-5

Chapter 4  
Katie  
  
Two people were holding my head underneath the sludge of the Yeerk pool. I'd imagined I would have to pretend to struggle so as to make it seem realistic, but I wasn't pretending.   
When I felt the Yeerk begin to crawl into my head, I'd been terrified, and couldn't believe I'd actually done this. Even more terrifying was when the Yeerk took control.   
I was struggling, screaming, kicking- Then the Yeerk stopped my kicking. My screaming. It raised my head and used my voice to talk to the others.   
It walked me out of the Yeerk pool, and looked around at the sky. I felt its surge of joy at seeing the sky for the first time, and I wasn't scared anymore. I was joyful too. I knew I had made the right decision, even if it was difficult and frightening.   
I couldn't solve everything, make everything right, but I could help one creature. And I had. It felt really good.  
Hello? I said tentatively. The Yeerk had searched my memories about my decision to become a controller. It'd been confused at first, and I'd been able to tell some of what it was feeling but now it had closed itself entirely to me. I didn't know why.  
The Yeerk raised my hand to look at my watch.  
It's almost dinner time, I said, knowing it really didn't matter. Mom will flip if I'm not home.  
The Yeerk bit my lip, one of my habits that I do when I'm trying to decide something. I guess the Yeerk decided I was right, so it searched my memories until it learned how to go home. It began walking me home.  
I have soccer practice after dinner, I said. It's really important that I go because I'm team captain and we have a really big game tomorrow.  
The Yeerk made no reply. I knew it heard what I was saying. It just didn't feel I was important enough to respond to. It was probably also trying to organize its thoughts as it searched my memory to become familiarized with the way I would act.  
We had soon reached my house. "Mom? Dad?" The Yeerk called, "I'm home!"  
"Oh, good," my mom responded, "Honey, can you come in here for a few minutes? I need you to help set the table."  
"Okay mom. I'll be right in. I just need to put my back pack upstairs," 'I' said. It was scary. It was exactly what I would have said. Same tone of voice, same words. No difference whatsoever.   
The Yeerk made me run up the stairs to my bedroom and dump my bag next to my desk.   
On my way back downstairs it made me peek into Jason's room. "Hey Shorty," my mouth said, "Come on downstairs and help set the table. It's just about time for dinner."  
"Did mom say I have to come?"  
My voice called down the stairs, "Mom? Does Jason have to come too?"  
"Jason! Come down stairs and help set the table!"  
The Yeerk stuck my head back in Jason's room and smirked at him.  
"Yeah, yeah," he said and jumped down from the bunk. When Amy had gone to college, our bunk had gone in to Ian and Jason's room. Ian is seventeen and Jason is twelve.  
Everything the Yeerk made me do was just the way I would have done it.  
We went downstairs and helped Mom clear and set the table.  
We had dinner accompanied by normal dinner chit-chat. The Yeerk reminded Dad about soccer practice and he sent me upstairs to get ready. I came down and started walking towards the school's soccer field.  
At practice we played hard, and despite being a controller, I had fun. I think the Yeerk did too. After we were through, the Yeerk took me over to my best friend, Emily. We started walking home together.  
"Hey, Emily!" my mouth said.  
"Hi Katie."  
"I haven't seen you around much," my mouth said.  
"Nah, I've been pretty busy with school and homework and all. Maybe we could get together tomorrow?"  
"That would be great!" the Yeerk said. "Do you want to maybe go see a movie or something? Go rollerblading?"  
"Rollerblading," She said decidedly, "Why go see a movie when the weather is so nice?"  
My voice laughed. "You've got a point there! How 'bout you come over to my house around, say, 1:00? Then you could stay for dinner too. Maybe even sleep over?"  
"I could do dinner," She replied, "But I'd have to come home after that. I have plans Sunday.  
"Oh, okay. Hey, I've got an idea!" The Yeerk said suddenly. "The Sharing's having a big bonfire tomorrow evening. It wouldn't be too late. Maybe instead of dinner at my house we can have dinner there. I heard from some kids who were in the Sharing a long time ago that these bonfires are really fun."  
"Maybe," Emily said hesitantly. Her mood had suddenly changed at my mention of the Sharing. "I'll have to think about it." She paused. "You're really into that Sharing thing, aren't you?"  
"Uh-huh. It's a lot of fun. You'd probably like it."  
"I don't know," She said, "I've already got a lot of things to do. I don't really have time for all the extra activities and stuff."  
"Well, think about it," my mouth said, "We're just about to my house, so I'd better go. I'll see you tomorrow!"  
"Bye!"  
We split off and I headed to my own house.   
  
Chapter 5  
Illarim  
Katie was angry with me. Why are you trying to make Emily join the Sharing? She demanded. She doesn't want to, and I don't want her to. Isn't it enough that I joined?  
I am trying to get her to join because that's my job. And no, it isn't enough. It is my job to help recruit hosts. I'm not the only Yeerk who didn't have a host you know. Besides, I sneered, There's nothing you can do about it.  
I didn't really want to be cruel to Katie. But I knew I had to. I had to do what I had to do. If I hadn't made her feel helpless and defeated, she might have been troublesome and gone into host rebellion, and cause all sorts of problems.  
I felt an immense wave of sadness coming from Katie. I understand, She said softly. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.  
There was really no use in continuing to try and frighten Katie. Yes. I replied. I wish that could be.  
Yeerk? She said after a time. What is your name?  
My name?  
Mm-hmm.  
My name is Illarim 7-4-6.  
I'm Katie. It's nice to meet you.  
Katie  
The next day 'I' did my chores then waited expectantly for Emily. When she finally arrived the Yeerk made me run outside and greet her excitedly.  
"I thought we might go over by the lake," my mouth said. "All the trees are turning colors and it's really pretty."  
"Sure. Let's go."  
We pulled on our blades and started off for the lake. "What have you been up to lately?" the Yeerk asked. "I haven't seen you around much."  
"Oh, you know. I've been really busy what with school and stuff. I just haven't really had time to get together."  
My head nodded. "So, have you decided about coming to the bonfire tonight?"  
She hesitated. "I guess I'll go, but I don't want to stay long."   
"Cool."  
After that, we just bladed for the most part and didn't talk very much. I guess the Yeerk had gotten from Emily what it wanted: her to say yes to the Sharing bonfire.   
After a while, the Yeerk made me say, "You know what? We've been blading for a long time, and I'm getting tired. Do you want to go to the mall for a while?"  
She grinned. "I would *love* to go to the mall."  
My mouth grinned back. "Let's stop at my house, get some sneakers on, then go."  
We rollerbladed back to my house. My dad even volunteered to drive us. (Yes!) And we went to the mall.  
We wandered around for about a half hour. Emily bought some very nice leather boots, I got a new purse. Then we went to the food court and got soft pretzels from Pretzel Time.   
As we were walking towards the benches, I saw some other kids about ten yards away. They were acting like normal teenagers, teasing each other about some book one girl was holding. She put it back in her bag and one of the boys yelled, "The Yeerks are here! They're going to kill us all! Aaaahhh!!!" and started laughing.  
Obviously a kid who doesn't think Animorphs are real, I muttered.  
My eyes kept watching to see what would happen. A couple of men slowly pulled dracon beams out of their shirt pockets and aimed at the kids. "Run!" I wanted to scream. But the Yeerk didn't let me. Luckily, the guy who had been holding the new Animorph book yelled it for me, and they started running towards the parking lot.   
Tseeewww! Tseeewww!   
They were shooting at the kids!  
Illarim made me run after them. Emily didn't say anything. Her face was white and she looked like she had just seen a ghost. She got up and followed me.  
Fools, Illarim muttered. If Visser 1 finds out they have been firing weapons in a public mall…  
Then we'd best not tell him, I said. What he doesn't know can't hurt them.  
Illarim made me smirk. Quite an interesting, and accurate, change in the expression. But you're right. We won't tell him.  
We had reached the parking lot.   
Amazingly, all the kids had escaped safely by jumping over the guardrail. They'd landed in some bushes, and were cut up pretty badly, but otherwise okay. They ran off quickly.  
One of the men came over to me and tried to grab me.  
Illarim gave an exasperated sigh, and said, "There's no need to imprison me. I'm Illarim 7-4-6 of the Sulp Niar pool. You should be glad the Visser wasn't here to see what you just did. He would be very displeased."  
The man nodded abruptly. "I am Tedor 3-7-8. Where is the girl who was with you?"  
Illarim looked around, startled. "I-I don't know. She was here a minute ago."  
"You should be glad the Visser wasn't here to see that you let a girl get away after seeing what she did. He would be very displeased."  
My cheeks colored, but Illarim could say nothing. I could tell by their numbers that Tedor was a more important Yeerk than Illarim was.  
"I have a suggestion to make," Tedor said. "You will say nothing of our firing weapons in the mall, and I will say nothing of the girl. Agreed?"  
"Agreed. I wouldn't have told the Visser anyway. He likes those who tell him of mistakes about as much as he likes those who made them."  
Tedor rolled his host's eyes knowingly. "Then I suppose we will now go our separate ways." His tone changed. "Well, bye then! Thanks for your help!"  
"Bye! Glad to be of assistance!"  
Let's hope the Visser doesn't find out about this, Illarim muttered to me. Then he walked me back in to the food court. Emily was nowhere to be seen. I searched some, then left and walked home.  



	3. Chapters 6-7

Chapter 6  
Illarim  
I walked my host back to her home. Her parents appreciated knowing where she was at all times, so I informed them using my host's mouth that 'I' was going to the Sharing bonfire and asked Katie's father if he could pick me up at around nine.  
The bonfire was to be held on the beach, and was not too far away. It was not dark, so I walked to it. There were sounds of humans playing volleyball, talking, and there was also the sound of a radio.   
As I walked my host onto the beach, I used her eyes to search for the other girl, Emily. I soon spotted her. I could feel Katie's disgust. *She* knew that the weapons fired at the mall were Dracon beams. This other girl, however, did not, and would not have assumed any connection between them and the Sharing.  
I ran over to her.   
"You came!" I shouted, careful to use the same inflection Katie would have used. "I didn't see you after that thing at the mall."  
I had decided beforehand not to pretend to have not seen the Dracons at the mall. It would be pointless. Emily knew I had seen them.  
"I didn't see any reason not to come," Emily said. "But that was just too weird, doncha think?"   
"Way too weird," I agreed. "I bet they were probably filming for a Star Trek episode, or something."  
"Must have been. Want to go play some beach volleyball, or something?"  
And that was how it went. To my great relief, nothing more was said about the incident at the mall.  
  
***  
  
Katie  
Illarim had to regenerate the next day. He walked me to the Yeerk pool, and actually had about as little affection for the place as I did.   
As he exited my head, two very tough-looking Hork-Bajir held my arms so that I couldn't escape. As they pulled me to my feet, rather roughly I might add, I tried to pull away not because I wanted to escape, but because I was getting bruises. Ow.  
They shoved me into a cage with several other teens my age, as well as a few adults. Most of them were sitting dejectedly, all hope lost.  
Suddenly, I got an idea. Now, I'm not a great singer. I like singing, and I used to have dreams of being the next Britney Spears or Celine Dion, but I'm not *that* good. I wish, but not quite. Well, anyway, I figured I'd only be in control of myself for a little while, so I might as well make the best of it, right? So, I started to sing. Christmas was only a little over a month away, So I sang some Christmas carols.   
"Stupid," A boy muttered.  
I raised an eyebrow, and said loudly enough for more than just him to hear even over all the shouts and screams, "Look, there's no way for us to escape, right? And we'll only be in control of ourselves for a little while before we're infested again. Why not make the best of it?"  
"She's right," a girl whom I recognized from my school said. "If there's no hope of escape, which there doesn't seem to be, why spend our only amount of freedom in despair?"  
I grinned, and started singing again. She joined in with the harmony. A few other people joined in, and eventually, there were at least fifteen of us singing. For a little while at least, the horror was almost forgotten.   
When my turn came for re-infestation, I went along sadly, but without struggling. I noticed a few others doing the same. With just one little action, I'd helped make their lives a little more bearable.  
Chapter 7  
Illarim  
I swam in the pool for my allotted amount of time, blind, nearly deaf, unable to taste or smell, until it was my turn for re-infestation. I swam over to the pier and felt Katie's head being held down in the liquid. I crawled into her ear and proceeded to take control of her body.  
Don't you want to know what I did while you were gone? She asked playfully.  
Humans, I thought exasperatedly. I sighed mentally. What did you do while I was gone?  
Oh, you're no fun. I'll make you find out on your own. With that, she was silent.   
I really had nothing better to do, so I searched her memories until I found what she wanted me to see.  
Causing problems again, I see.  
Oh, come on. Singing never hurt anybody.  
Maybe so, I conceded.  
Besides, She continued, I helped cheer them up a bit. Very few people don't mind being controllers.  
True. It was a kind gesture, I suppose. Katie seemed pleased with herself and said no more.   
I walked Katie out of the Yeerk pool and headed for the park near her house.  
Illarim?  
What? I said.  
I didn't really need to ask, I could easily read her thoughts, but I had agreed to let her keep her thoughts to herself and share them with me only when she wanted to. I suppose my fellow Yeerks will consider me, to borrow an Earth term, a 'softy'. But as I have said before, I liked Katie, and saw no harm in allowing her a bit of freedom especially seeing as it could not possibly pose a problem.  
Could you maybe, possibly, consider granting me a favor? She spoke slowly, hesitantly.  
What is it?   
Do you think that maybe, on occasion, I could have a little bit of control? You know, like, being able to move and talk a little.   
I was startled. I, I couldn't... I said. I could get in a great deal of trouble, I mean, well, I suppose I could...  
You know me, Katie said. You probably know more about me than I know about myself. You know I won't do anything that would harm you. Besides, you're still in there and would be able to stop me if I did.  
I suppose, I said. That it wouldn't really harm anything to allow you *some* freedom on occasion.  
I felt Katie's immense wave of gratitude. Thank you. She said simply. Thank you.  
  
Katie  
By the time we'd finished our conversation, we were walking along the busy street that takes you to the park. And I had that feeling, the one that humans get when we feel like we're being watched or followed.  
Can we maybe walk a little faster? I asked Illarim nervously.  
Why?  
It's just, uh, because... Oh, just do it. Please, I said.  
My feet began to walk faster and Illarim searched my thoughts to find out why I was so nervous. He seemed perplexed, but did trust human instincts to some extent and made my head turn to look behind me.  
There's nobody in sight, he said.  
Yeah... Okay, I said. I still couldn't shake that feeling of being watched, but I tried to ignore it and hoped it would go away.   
As we neared the park, I saw Jason, Ian and a two of their friends playing soccer. Please? I asked Illarim. He relinquished control of my legs and arms, and I ran over to where the boys were playing. Without a word, I deftly snatched the ball away from Jason's friend Michael, and headed toward the two cones that marked Ian's goal.  
"Hey, wait a minute! That's not fair! Katie, get out of here! I was just about to slaughter Jason!" Ian yelled at me.  
I turned my head back to look at him, and smiled an impish grin. I then proceeded to score a point for Jason's team. Jason, Michael and I exchanged high fives.  
"I hate it when you do that," Ian said.  
"I know," I responded. Then, I ran away because Ian started to chase me. He's fast. I'm faster. "I'm going in," I called over my shoulder. "Homework!"  
"Uh-uh. No way are you getting out of it that easy. You are overdo for a tackle and half-nelson."  
Right at that moment, I burst through the front door. "Mom!! Ian's trying to tackle me!" I shouted.  
"Ian! Leave your sister alone. Katie, go upstairs and do your homework."  
I looked back at Ian and made a teasing expression. "Sorry. I guess you'll just have to injure me later."  
He sneered in response.  
I went upstairs and Illarim took control again. Thank you, I said. Thank you so much. You have no idea what that meant to me.  
Yes, he said slowly. Yes, I think I do.  



	4. Chapters 8-9

Chapter 8  
  
Illarim  
The next few days past uneventfully. Often, Katie still had an uneasy feeling of being watched, but I would look around repeatedly and assure her there was no one in sight. I even allowed her enough control to look around on her own several times. For the most part, I tried to ignore Katie's qualms.  
I did not tell her this, but at times, I had the same uneasy feeling. Frequently, I looked around not merely to calm Katie's fears, but my own as well.  
After three days, I of course, had to feed. I walked Katie to the Yeerk pool after school. Normally she would practice soccer after school, so she would not be missed at home.  
As we were walking home from the Yeerk pool, that usual uneasiness came over us both very strongly.   
Katie said, Can you please look around again?  
I did. But I saw no one. Just a few birds and a squirrel. I started walking a little faster. I knew that those animals could be Andalites. Why they would target *me* I didn't know.   
What is it? Katie demanded.  
Nothing, I tried to assure her, but my thoughts were tense and nervous, and Katie saw through my lie.  
Illarim. What. Is. It?  
It's nothing, I said again, a little calmer and more convincingly. It's just that your parents will become concerned if you are not home soon. It's getting dark.  
She was not entirely convinced. But it was obvious I wasn't going to tell her any more, so she let me alone.  
  
Katie  
Illarim was as nervous as I was. He made me look around, but there was no one in sight. There were just some birds and a squirrel. When Illarim saw these, he got really scared for some reason and started walking faster.   
He looked around again, and, coming off of a side street was a teenager whom I didn't recognize. I knew I'd never met him, but somehow he seemed almost familiar. Illarim walked even faster, and turned off onto a different street.  
He made me look around again. And the kid was still there. He was following me.  
Illarim made me break into a trot. The kid started to run. He was faster than I was. He was gaining.  
Illarim turned me off the street and into the woods. He made me run for some time, and it seemed we had lost the kid. He stopped me to catch my breath.  
Then, in approximately half a second, someone grabbed me from behind. I would have screamed, but a hand was clamped firmly over my mouth.  
"It's all right, Katie," Emily said, stepping into view. "We're not going to hurt you. We're here to help. But you need to come with us."  
"Besides, it's not exactly as if you have a choice," the kid who was holding me said.  
They dragged me about a quarter of a mile further into the forest, where there was a small, rotting shack with half the roof already missing. It was so rotted, it was probably even the same one they used when Jake became a controller in #6. There were a couple other kids standing outside.   
"Katie?" Emily said. "I'd like you to meet my friends, Rachel, Cassie and Marco and Jake."  
I didn't know what to think. It was one of those things where I'd always wanted to meet them, and I couldn't believe I actually got to. Although, it would have been much more enjoyable under different circumstances.  
The kid took his hand away from my mouth so I could speak. We were already so far into the woods that no one could have heard me if I had screamed.  
"Is this like a joke or something?" Illarim made me ask. He decided to keep pretending I was not a controller.  
I saw a flicker of doubt in Emily's eyes. She still wasn't completely sure I was a controller.   
"No, it's not a joke," Jake said. (Once I knew who they were, it was easy enough to figure out who was who.)  
"What are you going to do to me?"  
"We're going to starve that Yeerk right out of your head, Katie," Emily said softly.  
Chapter 9  
  
I felt Illarim's fear, but he recovered quickly and said, "What are you talking about?"  
"Come on," Marco said. "We're wasting time. We can talk more once she's safely tied up and in the shed."  
Cassie and Emily tied my hands behind my back and led me into the shed. There was a pile of blankets on the floor in the corner. I was told to sit down there. Once sitting, they tied my feet as well.  
"Why are you doing this?" Illarim made me ask. "What did I ever do to you? Come on, Emily. I thought we were friends. You guys, if this some sort of practical joke, it's not funny. It's getting dark. I need to get home."  
He tried all sorts of things; imploring, demanding, appealing, begging- but nothing work. It became increasingly obvious that they were not going to let me go until Illarim had starved to death.  
Someone stayed there all the time to make sure that I didn't escape. When Jake had been made into a controller, he could just morph and escape that way, but I couldn't. There was no way to get out. Rachel took the first shift.  
I guess after a while she got tired of Illarim's begging. "Listen, Yeerk. There's no way to escape, and we're certainly not going to let you go. Now quit your whining."  
"But what about my parents? If I don't get home, they'll flip!"  
"There's a Chee at your house right now. They'll never know the difference." She answered.  
"What's a Chee? And why do you keep calling me a Yeerk?"  
"You know what a Chee is, and I call you a Yeerk because you are one. Now would you please shut up? I have homework to do."  
Illarim was going to say something more, but I asked him not to. Listen, I said. Rachel will get really mad if you keep bugging her. And a really mad Rachel is not good. We're going to have to tell them I was a voluntary controller, but don't do it yet. That would make probably Rachel go ballistic. Wait until Cassie is on guard. She'll understand.  
May I search your memories to find out all you know about the Animorphs? Illarim asked.   
Go right ahead, I said.   
I felt Illarim search my memories of the books. Pay special attention to #19, I said. That's the one that will be most helpful.  
Understood.  
  
Illarim  
After I had found out as much as Katie knew about the 'Animorphs,' I realized she was right. If there was any hope of my escaping safely, it lay with Cassie. She would be the most likely to understand.   
After three hours, a new guard came. It was not Cassie. Another three hours, another new guard. Not Cassie. This continued happening until it should have been Cassie's turn because she was the only one who had not stood guard. But it was not Cassie. It was Rachel again.  
"Where's Cassie?" I asked.   
"My, aren't you perceptive," Rachel said. "Why do you want Cassie? So you can try to convince her that you aren't a controller and we need to let you go? I don't think so."  
I said nothing, realizing my mistake.  
"Oh yes. Almost forgot to answer your question, didn't I? Well, Cassie went to a vet seminar thing with her parents. Now if you'll excuse me, I have homework."  
No, Katie said suddenly. She's lying. Cassie's parents wouldn't let her skip school. It's evening. Maybe she had to baby-sit or something. She definitely seems like a babysitting sort of girl. Just wait. I'm sure she'll be here sometime.  
I hope you're right, I said.  
If I'm not, we'll just have to figure something out.  



	5. Chapters 10-13

  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Katie  
We waited and waited, and still Cassie did not show up. It had been two days since Illarim had fed. Cassie had to come.  
Finally, she did. Around four o'clock, she took over guarding me. Emily had had the previous shift. Illarim made me sit there, seemingly uninterested in everything until Emily had been gone about fifteen minutes.  
May I talk to her? I asked.  
I suppose so, Illarim said.   
"Cassie?" I said slowly. "I need to talk to you."  
She looked up from the book she was reading. "I'm listening."  
I took a deep breath. "If anyone would understand, it's you. This is Katie speaking. The real Katie. I don't want Illarim to die. He and I are friends."  
"How am I supposed to know you're telling the truth?" she asked skeptically.  
I started to say something, but Illarim stopped me. "This is Illarim now. Get a glass of water. I will be able to survive in water for a while. Then you can talk to Katie and you will know for sure that I am not the one who is speaking. "  
Cassie said nothing for a moment. "Okay," she said finally. She moved to where they had stored some food and water for the three days that I was going to be held in the shed. She got a large cup and filled it with bottled water. "Here."  
Cassie untied my hands so that I could hold the glass. I took the glass and held it to my ear so that Illarim could crawl out. Wish me luck, I told him. I set the cup down where it wouldn't get bumped.  
"There," I said. "I knew the others wouldn't understand, but I thought you might. I was a voluntary controller. Because I pitied the Yeerks. I mean, the Yeerks aren't all bad. A lot of them just want to see and hear and taste and experience all those things we take for granted. I thought I could at least make a difference for one Yeerk."  
Cassie nodded understandingly at the end of my little speech. "But what about the fact that the Yeerks are trying to enslave the human race?"  
"That's wrong. But they can't really help it. They don't know any other way. Yeerks like Visser 1 make them think slavery is their only option."  
"We're going to have to tell the others," Cassie said.  
"I know."  
"Jake has the next shift. We should tell him next."  
"Yeah," I said, hoping the others wouldn't react the way I expected them to.  
  
Illarim  
I left Katie's head and sat in the glass of water for some time. All I could do was think.   
After a time, I felt the glass rise. I swam to the surface of the liquid until I felt the ear canal. I squished and squeezed my way in and was soon completely connected with Katie's brain.  
How did it go? I asked nervously.  
Katie almost spoke in a sigh. Mission accomplished. Well, so far. Jake is gonna be here soon to take over. Let's hope the others understand too. Can I say one more thing to Cassie?  
Certainly, I said.  
Thanks. She told me. "Cassie? This is Katie. Can you maybe stay here a little after Jake comes? I just think you might be able to help me explain. He trusts you."  
Cassie smiled gently, but at the same time looked a little embarrassed. "Sure."  
I guess that now we just wait, I said to Katie.  
Yeah. I guess so.  
The next several hours passed slowly. I was beginning to feel the effects of my lack of Kandrona. I still had about twelve hours before starvation would occur. I tried to hide my growing hunger from Katie. She did not need to become even more nervous.  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Katie  
As the minutes went by, I grew more and more nervous. *It's only Jake,* I kept telling myself. *It's no big deal. You told Cassie. You can tell Jake now.*  
What I was most worried about was that Jake would have to tell Rachel and Marco as well. Maybe I shouldn't have read each of the Animorph books at least 4 times. I just couldn't help thinking about that scene in #19. You know the one. Cassie becomes a voluntary Controller to save Karen. And then Marco says... Marco says, "You're a fool, Cassie. Now it's not the little girl who may have to die. It's *you.*"  
I had that line running through my head, over and over and over again. And then of course when *Rachel* finds out.. Well, she just plain goes ballistic. They don't much like voluntary controllers.  
Both Illarim and Cassie were silent as we waited. Cassie worked on some homework. When I had read the books, I'd always wondered how they did homework when they were so busy fighting Yeerks. Now I knew. It was done in short spurts, whenever they had a couple minutes. Do a few problems here, read a paragraph there.   
Since I was untied, I could turn my hand to look at my watch. Illarim allowed me this freedom most of the time. I was so nervous, I was looking at my watch every two or three minutes. I tried to look again, but Illarim stopped me.  
Why won't you let me look at my watch? I demanded.  
Whether or not you look at your watch isn't going to affect how soon Jake gets here, He pointed out. It just makes you more nervous. Relax. He'll get here soon enough.   
He made me take deep, slow breaths and tried to slow my heart rate to help calm me. But just because I didn't show the typical signs of nervousness, it didn't mean I wasn't nervous.  
After what seemed an eternity, I heard footsteps nearing the shed. This is it, I muttered. The door creaked slowly open and Jake walked in.  
He grinned. "Hi Cassie. Did you have a good- Wait a minute. What is she doing untied?" His friendly tone turned to the decisive, determined, leader-like tone I'd always imagined him using.  
"It's all right," Cassie said quickly. "We'll explain everything." She looked at me. "Right Katie?"  
"Right," my voice answered. I was way too nervous to say anything.  
"I'll explain," Illarim made me say before Cassie could say anything. "Katie was a voluntary controller. She decided to become a host. She was aware of the Yeerks and the Sharing long before she ever attended a Sharing meeting."   
  
Illarim  
"I was not exactly willing to work towards friendship at first, but somehow I grew to like Katie. We now have a sort of symbiotic relationship."  
Like the Iskoort, Katie added.  
What? I asked.  
The Iskoort. Book #26.  
Oh. I didn't have time to look at her memories to discover what she knew about that particular book at that moment.  
Cassie and Jake were at the other side of the shed, talking quietly to each other.   
"We're going outside to talk," Jake said. "Don't try to go anywhere. Ax is going to make sure you don't."  
The Andalite walked into the shed as Jake and Cassie left, his tail poised and ready. Don't try anything, Yeerk, he said. You know there is no way for you to escape.  
I sighed. "You can relax, Andalite. I'm not going to try anything."  
Ax made no answer, and did not relax.   
Hey, Ax-man! How's it going in there?  
I think that's Tobias, Katie said. He must be outside.  
The Andalite made no answer. Rather, he probably answered in private thought speak so I couldn't overhear.  
  
Katie  
Cassie came back inside. "Where's Jake?" Illarim made me ask.   
"He went to get the others," Cassie said.   
Ask her how it went, I said.  
"Katie wishes to know how it went," my voice said.  
Cassie bit her lip. "I'm not sure... He seemed kind of skeptical, but I guess that really makes sense. Marco and Rachel are gonna flip when he tells them."  
Can I talk a bit? I asked.  
Sure.  
"This is Katie. I figured they would. Rachel, definitely. Marco not quite as much, but he will too."  
Cassie looked surprised.   
"I know how they'll act," I said. "I've read your books so many times it's like I've known you guys forever, even though I just met you. That's how I knew about the Yeerks and stuff."  
"Yeah," Cassie said with a grin. "I guess you probably know us better than we do ourselves."  
I smiled back. "Probably."  
  
Chapter 12  
  
We didn't say anything until the others arrived about ten minutes later. They landed outside, demorphed, and came in. Tobias did not come inside, but he was probably in a tree nearby where he would still be able to hear everything.  
Marco and Rachel were there. Jake must have explained the situation on the way over. Rachel had a look of shocked disbelief, almost incredulity. I could guess the reason: she couldn't believe anyone would willingly give up their freedom to a slug.   
Marco had his anger well-hidden, but it was still there. What was most visible was the look of determination, like he had already figured out a plan as they flew over.   
Emily was there too. She had a pained look on her face, like she couldn't believe it was really true. Like she couldn't believe her best friend would betray her. It ripped me apart.  
I turned my face away from their probing stares. I don't think I can do this, I told Illarim.  
Then I will, he said. Don't worry about it.  
He turned my head to look back at the Animorphs. "I'm guessing Jake has already filled you in."  
Emily nodded and took a step forward. "Why?" she said. "Why, Katie? Why?"  
Her voice was choked with emotion. She couldn't even think of anything else to say except 'why.'  
If Illarim hadn't been in control, I might have broken down and cried. But I needed to be in control. I needed to explain. I also needed to get a grip.  
I need to talk, I told Illarim. *I* need to explain. Not you.  
Are you sure you'll be okay? he asked.  
No, I'm not sure. But I have to.  
I understand.  
I felt myself regain control. It's really a hard felling to describe, so you're just gonna have to use your imagination.  
"I wasn't trying to hurt anyone," I said. "Especially not you, Emily."  
"Well you already have," She answered.  
"I know. And I know you'll probably never forgive me, either. But I also want you to know that I just wanted to help.   
"Look, how would you all like it if you had to live your lives as slugs? You've been Yeerks before, you know what it's like. I just wanted to make a difference for one Yeerk. Give one Yeerk all the things it could only dream about, but we take for granted."  
"That's all a very nice fantasy, Ms. Ghandi," Marco broke in. "But this is a war. They're trying to take away our homes. Our families-"  
"Our friends," Emily added bitterly.  
Marco nodded. "Our friends. You can't make peace with the enemy.- You can't make peace with slugs."  
"Yes you can," I said softly. "Yes you can."  
"Maybe somewhere else," Rachel said. "Maybe in another time. But not here. Not now."  
I cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? Then what about Tidwell? Aftran? The entire Yeerk peace movement?"  
No one said anything. "Well?" I pressed.  
"That's different," Marco said, not convincing anyone.   
"No, it's not different," I said. "There's no difference at all, it's just that you don't want that kind of peace. You want Yeerk-free peace, and you can't understand anyone who would want peace *with* the Yeerks."  
"Ouch," Marco muttered, telling me my assumptions had been correct.  
  
Chapter 13  
  
Illarim  
"I guess I can see where you're coming from," Jake admitted. "But if we do let you go, how are we supposed to know you're not gonna go running back to Visser 1 to tell him all you know?"  
Your turn, Katie told me. I took control of her again.  
"You can't," I told them. "There's no way for you to be sure. All I can give is my word."  
Marco snorted. "Who's gonna trust the word of a Yeerk?"  
"I am," Cassie said.  
"Surprise, surprise," Marco muttered.  
"Marco..." Rachel growled warningly.  
I held up Katie's hands. "Um, look guys... I'm not trying to start a civil war or anything. Okay?"  
"She's right," Jake said. "We need to stop with the bickering," here he looked meaningfully at Rachel and Marco, "And get back to the main issue. Which is: What are we going to do with Illarim?"  
Marco said, "It's my opinion that there is only one option as to what we should do."  
I agree with Marco, Ax said.  
"Opinions have been noted and filed," Jake responded. "Are there any other suggestions?"  
No one said anything for a while. "Why don't we ask Katie what she thinks we should do?" Cassie suggested.  
Jake nodded and looked at me. I said nothing for a moment. I looked at them sadly. "This is Illarim, not Katie. I think we should do as Marco and the Andalite have suggested. They're right; it's your only option. It's been nice while it lasted, but I respect your desire for freedom. I don't know if it will work, but you should kill me and continue your fight against us."  
NOO! Katie cried. Are you insane?! There's got to be *something* else we can do. There's got to be a better way.  
I can't think of any, I told her. And I honestly don't believe you can either. The others obviously can't. Look what my species has done to yours! We've enslaved you, cruelly and mercilessly. You have every right to hate us! You should be trying to force us from earth. Very few Yeerks want peace.  
But *you* do. Should we kill you for your kindness? For your desire for peace?  
There's nothing else you can do. Unless you decide to just give up your fight against us. If you conquered us, I would likely be killed anyway.  
There's got to be some other way, Katie moaned sorrowfully.  
I wish there was, I whispered. I really wish there was.  
  
Katie  
He couldn't be serious! There was no way! But he was, and I couldn't think up another plan, either.  
Please let me talk to them, I said sadly.  
Sure.  
"Guys?" I said hesitantly. "This is Katie. There's got to be a better way. Some option we missed. Some plan we didn't think of. Something. Anything!"  
I felt my eyes start to get teary. I blinked hard, trying to fight them back. Cassie put an arm around my shoulder.  
"Don't worry," she whispered. "We'll think of something."  
Whatever we decide, it's got to be done soon, Illarim said. I'll really need to regenerate in a few hours, or else...  
Had it really been that long? I looked at my watch, startled. Yeah, I guess it had.  
Suddenly, I had an idea. "Why couldn't we join the peace movement?"  
The others had been talking quietly, some not so quietly, among themselves. They turned around to look at me.  
Emily said, "No. It's too dangerous. I don't want Katie to get hurt."  
Jake said softly to her, "It's her decision. Not yours." To me he said, "I suppose that you could, but like Emily said, it would be dangerous."  
Illarim cut me off before I could say anything. "Illarim again. I'm in just as much danger *out* of the peace movement as I would be *in* it. I've already become friends with my host. If anyone found out, it would not go over well."  
Jake nodded. "That's true. It's your decision. I'll let you decide what to do."  
Marco practically exploded. "You're just gonna let her leave? You're gonna let her run on over to Visser 1 and turn us in?"  
Jake turned to him. "I don't think she's going to do that."  
"How can you be sure?"  
"I can't. But we'll let Katie, the real Katie, decide what she wants to do. We're here to save ourselves and our friends and make people aware of the Yeerks. If people want to become Controllers, that's *their* choice. Not mine."  
Marco said nothing, but seemed to accept Jake's decision.  
Illarim and I discussed the situation. Luckily, once a good plan had been proposed, he wasn't so set on Kandrona starvation.  
I nodded at Jake. "I think that's what we're going to do. We're going to join the peace movement."  
They gave me information about how I could contact Mr. Tidwell, one of the controllers who was in the peace movement.  
"Meeting adjourned," Jake said.  
I looked at them all, knowing it would likely be the last time I ever saw them. "Goodbye. It was nice meeting all of you."   
I turned and walked from the shed, out into the cool fall afternoon. The sun was just beginning to go down. As I headed back towards civilization, I heard someone call me from the shed. I turned to look. It was Emily.  
"Katie?" Emily said. She smiled. The setting sun behind her was sending red, orange and gold rays of light on her and on the ground. "Katie... I just wanted you to know that I forgive you."  
With that she smiled again, gave a parting wave, turned, and walked into the setting sun.  



End file.
